Opening Up.

I feel like I’ve been hiding so much from you my blog friends, and that’s kept me from posting. Well, I think now its time to come clean about a few things.

First – I haven’t been doing anything to attempt to lose or maintain my weight loss. I’ve been super busy, and I know that isn’t an excuse. I hope that opening up about a few things I’ve been quiet about will help me get back on board with the blog and the weight loss.

Second – over the last year, my life has changed in MAJOR ways. I started a new job a year ago for a great non-profit in Cleveland. Perhaps more importantly, I got a divorce. You may have noticed a lack of posts mentioning “DH,” or maybe you didn’t…but regardless, for reasons I don’t need to go into here, my ex and I separated around 14 months ago and our divorce was final in October.

Third – I’ve been so busy because I’ve gotten involved with local community theaters. I’ve done three shows since July and already have a show scheduled for the first part of next year. It’s been a wonderful experience finding myself on the stage again.

The past year has been one full of new experiences and personal growth. I wish I could have shared what I was going through with you, but it didn’t seem right to air it all so publicly on my blog. I’m hoping to get back to writing more regularly and I hope that opening up about these subjects will make that easier as the second and third items heavily influence the first, which is the main topic of the blog.

Thanks for your understanding and support.

The shoes that don't fit.

A couple of my friends have written posts declaring their love of fall. And as beautiful as fall is here in Northeast Ohio, it also means time for boots.

I love boots -- ankle boots have been my fall/winter shoe staple for years. But, this summer, I re-discovered the joy and femininity that comes from wearing skirts or dresses. I don't think I can bring myself to put them away for fall. So, I began to look for knee high boots -- the bane of my shoe-loving existence.

You see, I have some major calves - 18 inches, a foot and a half! Plus I'm short. That's a recipe for no-knee-high-boots-for-me. But, like any Capricorn, I refuse to admit defeat. So, the search was on. Every where I went, I tried on boot after boot after boot. Plus I looked online. One of my favorite retailers has tons of boots, but when I looked, the calf size was 6 inches! One-third the size of the muscular beauties that carry my body around all day.

I went to a plus size store, and their boots didn't even fit! The nice person there suggested that it had more to do with my height. So, I kept looking.

Randomly, I ended up back at DSW and was trying on boots. Much to my surprise when this really cute pair zipped up and hit my calves in just the right spot. The search was a success and the skirts can live through the winter. (Just add some trendy patterned tights when it gets really cold -- my new favorite thing!) So for those of you looking for just the right boot -- stay the course, keep looking. If I can find a pair, so can you!

Of course, Ohio has been having wacky weather lately, so I haven't had to wear the boots much...but they will certainly come in handy when the fall inevitably turns to winter.

Fat Talk Free Week.

Who knew -- this week is "Fat Talk Free" week. I found out yesterday, which was too late -- I had already made at least one disparaging comment about my weight yesterday. Of course, this is a weight loss blog -- I write about my diets (or not...) but, the journey you've seen me take here has been as much about acceptance and empowerment as it has been about the number on the scale, or at least I hope so.

This initiative come from the Delta Delta Delta sorority. As a sorority girl myself, I'm impressed by this initiative. The website -- http://www.endfattalk.org/ -- includes facts and ways to get involved. I'm going to try to avoid fat talk this week, both the negative ("I'm too fat for...") and the positive ("You look great! Have you lost weight?"). Remember, you're more than the number on the scale or in the back of your jeans.

How will you end fat talk this week? Its as "simple" as turning off those thoughts in your head. Good luck, it will be hard, but give it a shot!

Compliments to the chef.

If you haven’t gathered from my previous posts here, I’ve long struggled not just with my weight, but also with my self confidence. I’m working hard to build myself up and accept both the things I’m good at and those areas where I need some work. And, more importantly appreciating the fact that even though I am less than perfect (aren’t we all) I am still me, and loving myself for who I am.

But, even on this quest for self acceptance, I good compliment goes a long way. I’ve realized that some compliments – like mom saying that you’re beautiful – don’t carry as much weight as others. I find a compliment from a stranger goes a longer way. I’ve been lucky lately to have received lots of kind words, like:

• The Starbucks barista who decided to tell me how nice I look in purple.
• The Karaoke DJ who found me on my way out and commented on my singing.
• A new friend who told me that I’m not big enough to play the lead in Hairspray.
• An old friend who tells my when my hair looks good so I know what styles to repeat.
• Everyone who compliments my hair because they can't figure out why I look different (I got it cut over a week ago and am wearing contacts instead of glasses).

Whose self-esteem have you boosted lately? If you’ve boosted mine and I left you out, thanks!

Your task for the day? Compliment someone you don't know -- You never know who needs a little boost.

Normal Eating.

I've been thinking a lot about what I want my life to look like. Along with this process, I've thought a lot about my relationship with food, and about the fact that I can't seem to lose weight without being obsessed about it. I wish I could...but I still need to figure out a way. Someone told me recently that it's about balance and awareness and listening to the cues we receive from our bodies.

My dream is to not let food control my life -- I don't want to think about every single bite that goes into my mouth, but I want to be healthy and have healthy choices come naturally to me. I want to be able to stop eating before I'm full and be satisfied with the food on my plate.

I also want to be able to enjoy food -- because frankly, I love food. I love trying new things and experiencing new tastes. Heck, I even tried foie gras once. While I don't do it much, I do enjoy cooking and trying new recipes. Food is a central part of our social culture -- When I spend time with friends it is almost always over food.

The question is, how to do I get to this place? I blog I like to read, Well, recently took me to an article on PsychCentral that defines "normal eating" as:

“Normal eating is going to the table hungry and eating until you are satisfied. It is being able to choose food you like and eat it and truly get enough of it—not just stop eating because you think you should. Normal eating is being able to give some thought to your food selection so you get nutritious food, but not being so wary and restrictive that you miss out on enjoyable food. Normal eating is giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad or bored, or just because it feels good. Normal eating is mostly three meals a day, or four or five, or it can be choosing to munch along the way. It is leaving some cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow, or it is eating more now because they taste so wonderful. Normal eating is overeating at times, feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. And it can be undereating at times and wishing you had more. Normal eating is trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life.

In short, normal eating is flexible. It varies in response to your hunger, your schedule, your proximity to food and your feelings.”*

To me, this means there is no such thing as "Normal Eating" for our society, only normal eating for each person. What is your normal? Does it work for you? What would you like to have become a new normal for you?

Weighting around

“Life doesn’t begin when you lose 20 pounds.” That’s what I told my co-worker yesterday. I need to remind myself of that everyday.

Isn’t amazing how we put things off with arbitrary weight loss goals. Shopping for new clothes – even when the old ones are out of style and ill-fitting anyway – was always something I put off. Then I had a boss tell me my wardrobe needed to be shaped up. So, I don’t wait for the next 20 pounds. And I don’t buy things, generally, that will look great in five pounds. (And, I only buy things that look really freakin’ fabulous on me – that’s why I don’t look like I weigh as much as do.)

But this idea extends beyond shopping. There is something in my life I have long loved and have not done in ages, until recently. I went out and did it – and I’m having a blast. Meeting new people and learning more about myself. And I’m not going to stop. If I had waited until I lost another 20 pounds, I can’t even bear to think about the fun people and things I would have missed out on.

So, that is it. Life doesn’t begin when you lose the next five, 10 or 20 pounds. It starts now. Don’t put off doing something because you’ve got weight to lose, you’ll never know what you lost by waiting. I’m glad I didn’t!

I heart shoes!

I know I have written here about my love affair with shoes ... Last night I was actually describing my shoe collection to some new friends with a little twinkle in my eye. Heck, I love my shoes so much that I keep many of them with me at all times. (Driving damages the heel, and I forgotten the necessary shoe for an outfit behind too many times, so they live in my trunk.)

Some days, I plan outfits around my shoes and I think they maybe the most important part of an interview outfit. They can boost your confidence -- there is just something about they way one stands on a few inches of heel, not to mention how good it makes your calves look! But I'm equal opportunity ... I get just as excited about a cute pair of flip flops as I so sexy heels.

Well, if you can believe it, I have never been to DSW -- one might describe it as my mecca. Truth be told, I was afraid of the damage I would do to my credit card and that I would never leave. So I didn't go ... until Saturday.

I am all about trying new things these day, so this weekend, I let my friend Maegan take me. Now, Maeg and I are a good shopping team, but she's usually the one buying things, so this was a bit of a role reversal.

First stop, clearance -- because the only thing better than new shoes is new shoes bought at a great price. I was looking for some cute black sling backs and anything else interesting. I actually managed to leave the store with just two pairs -- some black sling backs and this adorable pair of grey and black argyle peep toes.

Well, I didn't get my fill, so when I had some time to kill Sunday, I went back. ... An addict is born, I guess it was only a matter of time ;) This time I looked at new sneakers, but managed to walk away empty handed -- which isn't say I didn't find something I like, I just resisted them.